Hi, I'm Maxine and for those of you who'd like to know a bit about me, here is my little story. I'd say I've been through some version of most of life's usual up's and downs, looking from the outside a lot of the time as if I knew what I was doing, when in truth what was going on inside often felt more like an episode of Survivor than a life well-lived. 

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The good looking stuff

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Determination found me a wonderful 18 year career in electronics, when I'd left school early with no qualifications.  Following my heart and a leap of faith led me to move to Kenya where I lived off grid and worked my dream job coaching horse's and riders for two years. A great coach helped me make what felt like the difficult life decision to come home and some 'going with the flow' then saw me continuing to build my business coaching riders and their horses in the uk and abroad for the next 15 years. Looking good so far... 

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The not so good looking stuff

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Back stage however was a little different. I often experienced crippling feelings of insecurity and inadequacy that I constantly had to over-ride with my force of will. This was accompanied by feelings of a disconnection from life and others.  It didn't seem to matter what I had or where I was there was always something I didn't seem to have yet or somewhere else it felt like I should be. A backdrop to that was a nagging sense that there was something I really should be grateful for but often couldn't for the life of me see what it was. For a while I wondered if this was just life.

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Needing change

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I eventually reached a point where I was so tired and disillusioned with my sense of 'myself'. The repetitive behaviour patterns, constant chattering self-talk, none of which ever seemed to ultimately get me where I thought I should be. I was divorced, unhappy with my body, I didn't sleep well, I drank too much and none of it seemed changeable by what felt like, the current version of myself. I'd pretty much tried all the various recommended strategies for becoming a better or different version of myself and yet here I still was, not much different at all. Then in a moment of insight following a coaching session I just seemed to give it all up. I can't explain what exactly happened in that moment but it orientated me in the direction of something completely new. It was in that moment of complete willings to give it up that life began to show me something new.  Looking back, What was the 'it' I gave up? The fierce belief I had in my own thinking. 

 

Transformation

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