Transformative Life Coaching with Maxine Kemp
Be with your Horse
In my 30 years as a horse owner, rider, trainer and riding coach I have come to see that for many people there are times when the idea of horses and the reality of horses can feel like two very different things.
The dream of partnership and shared friendship can feel as if it’s been replaced with frustration, sadness, trepidation and disappointment. We love our horses and they form such an important part of our lives, yet the reality of all or some aspects of our relationship with them can at times leave us feeling confused, unfulfilled and searching.
My work is dedicated to helping horse's and their humans to 'work it out', together. (For the more physical aspect of this work please visit www.straightforwardequitation.co.uk ) What do I mean by this? Well, whatever it is we are 'doing' with our horses it's all happening within the space of 'being' with our horses. Put simply, horse's live and communicate in the space of 'being' before 'doing' So if we are to truly learn about them, hear them and respond to them fairly and effectively, we must be in the same space. The beautiful simplicity is that when our horse's feel secure and understood they relax and in turn, agree to play our game with us rather than what can feel like against us.
The more we discover about ourselves the more the horse reveals his secrets to us
When we are experiencing difficulties in our relationship with our horses, the solution can often feel as if it might be found in some kind of 'doing' activity. As humans, when we perceive a problem it's our nature to start looking for the solution by way of increased strategies such as more thinking, doing, problem solving and fixing. It can get pretty busy up there in the head department. This might look like, the buying of new equipment, seeking out a new expert, new training techniques or modalities that promise to make the problem behaviour cease, or any number of ways in which we allow ourselves to get caught up in the part of our thinking that's centred around 'problem solving' ideas. Some of these ideas can of course turn out to be good ones as part of the bigger picture and can prove valuable sometimes, bringing relief both long or short term but if they are short lived then we can be sure that the core issue is not being addressed and that often is...
If we are perceiving a problem that isn't really there then the chances of fixing it are going to be pretty minimal.
"Well hang on Maxine, when my horse is behaving badly it sure looks like a real problem to me". I hear you. The reality is that we don't have so much a problem as we do a symptom, because often we have missed something in relationship with the horse and this part will never be fixed with a new bit of equipment or the next expert. First it requires us to get into the same space as our horse so he can show us who he is fearlessly and know that we are listening. After that then perhaps a new bit of equipment or a new expert might be required, because there's nothing wrong with all our 'doings' as long as they come from the truth and understanding of 'being' first. By the time your horse is acting out undesirable behaviours it's because he's feeling like it's his only choice for survival. It's the horse version of 'shouting' at you and yet often the louder the horse shouts the less we tend to listen from our own quiet place of common sense and wisdom, not because we don't want to but simply because we didn't know we could and how it would do us any good to.
There's no problem, there's just a Horse.
So what if you could access this place in yourself where meaningful communication with your horse was possible? A place in yourself from where you no longer had to fear your horse even at his worst, allowing you to respond to his needs in the moment rather than reacting to your collective fears. What if this possibility did actually exist? Not for some people, some of time but for you, all of the time. What if the harmony between you and your horse was just one new thought away? Because the truth is that we are all equally able to live from this place in ourselves we just don't always know it's there or how to access it reliably yet, especially in times of stress. What if this is the place where all questions were answered and all wisdom revealed? It's worth a look isn't it?
my first ride
all innocence & wonder
Over the years I have learned that meeting horses and ourselves in this 'still' place always makes things better.
When it comes to teaching and training our horses how to be with us in our human world safely and as stress free as possible there are different methods, one of which involves what we call Negative Reinforcement. What I have come to discover is that in order for for this method of training to be fair, effective and employed in the manner in which it was intended we must be able to access the still quiet place in ourself, which allows us to fully release, often unseen pressure, for the horse and ourselves. Without this moment of full release, we are nothing more than a confusing relentless noise that never lets up. Even when our intentions are anything but... I often see R- abandoned for R+ simply because it is misunderstood and misapplied. There is nothing wrong with that choice but lets be sure it's for the right reasons.
If any of the above resonates for you and you would like to know more about how you can meet yourself and your horse in this space then please contact me for a free no obligation chat.
Bringing the physical, psychological and spiritual together, where they belong.